I think I might be pregnant
What makes you think that?
My breasts are larger than normal, I’ve had spotting, I’m incredibly emotional. But my period isn’t due for two weeks.
Well maybe you’re not pregnant.
But what If I am? …
Turns out I was pregnant but didn’t know it. My sister guessed it before I did. I had the look of pregnancy.
At that point you were a cluster of cells.
That night she suggested it, I drank more than I should have done. How could I be pregnant? It can’t have been that easy for us.
We argued about a rocking chair, decided that maybe it wasn’t the right time to start a family.
Lets leave it until January, Dad will probably be much better then.
And that was our plan.
But You had made a new plan.
27th August came and went. No period. No cramps.
30th August came and went. 3 days late. A whole bank holiday Monday to think about if I was pregnant.
31st August I was definitely pregnant. Two positive tests.
Uncontrollable crying, convulsing with every sob. Why was I crying?
In my whole life, all I wanted was a baby. But this wasn’t under our terms. We were waiting until January, how did this happen?
I’d thought that whole time I was pregnant. But with everything in our life, I never thought I would be that lucky. I am never that lucky. You came into our lives against all odds. Against all doctors statistics, against my dodgy ovaries.
You are already stubborn it seems.
So, I think that makes you 5 weeks pregnant
Yep, when do you think this happened?
Who knows, but It was obviously meant to be our time now.
How do feel about this?
Nervous, terrified even, but I can’t take this smile off my face.
Weeks 5-10 were a blur. My most common feeling was being alone. It felt like No one was around. We decided to let everyone know once the scan was OK. But still, I felt like I had no friends. Google and Baby Centre was my companion.
We see our midwife, who isn’t really our midwife and I come away from the appointment more confused than ever.
I always thought, that when I finally was pregnant, I would instinctively know what to do.
Turns out, I know bugger all.
At week 12 we have our first scan. Scary words are thrown about.
You are none of these words, you are a baby
A picture appears.
Can you see it?
He nods his head yes
The jelly is cold, i’m laying there wondering if this isn’t all in my head
Measurements are taken
The screen is turned
And there you are
Two arms, two very long legs, a trait from Daddy it seems
A tubby belly and large head (that’s normal)
And a tiny heart beating like the clappers
A heart that I am, in that instant, falling in love with
All looks good, they are very fidgety today!
I turn so the sonographer can get a better look, and I realise I’m crying
The most wonderful tears I’ve ever cried
Your Dad is crying too, he looks so proud already
We take your picture and If we look closely, you could be waving
You are waving
You are waving to us
Telling us you are OK
You are actually 13 weeks and 2 days and not 12 like originally thought. 24th April is your EDD
I’m sad to think I have missed a whole week of development of you
Happy that we get to see you sooner
We tell everyone we care about you
Tears are shed
What a lovely time of year to be born
That’s Easter Sunday
Your going to be wonderful Parents
Weeks 5-10 are now almost a distant memory
You are 13 weeks
Then 15, 16
And now all of a sudden we are at week 17
You have fingerprints, nails and can yawn
You have a nervous system and are all rounded like a proper baby
Always remember, when you are old enough to read this, you were always wanted
We always needed to have you
You came to us quicker than we thought
And now you are here, its like we’ve never been without you
I told your Dad, when we were worried about Granddad in the Summer
“Out of all bad comes good, so someone is bound to fall pregnant!”
It was said in jest
I didn’t think it would be us, or could be us
But, Boy, am I glad it is.
My beautiful Cub, I love you already.