Welcome back to Blog Therapy.
Today’s guest poster would like to remain anonymous.
It’s a subject that I think everyone will relate to….
I can’t quite believe that I am having this conversation. I never thought that I would ever think this let alone speak these words.
I think we need to end things, go our separate ways. I don’t think things have been quite right for a while now but I’ve just tried to ignore it. You know I thought maybe it was just a bad patch. I thought I could fix things but I’m not sure I can.
I remember the first day I met you, a cold winter’s day in 2008. It was all very exciting. Everyone was talking about you and I got you. It was all so much fun. Yes fun, something I don’t think I’ve felt for a long time now if I’m honest. I told you things; silly things, funny things, irrelevant things. Anything, everything, nothing. I’d tell you what I was thinking or doing and you were interested.
I suppose I became a little obsessed. I was happier to spend my time with you rather than anyone else. I was happy when I was with you. I felt wanted. I was never lonely and I liked that because before you were in my life I had sometimes felt on my own.
You have been there for the happy times, the sad times and you have got me through my own bad times. You were my support, always there with me. I’m not sure how I would have come out the other side without you. For such a long time I just saw your good side, even when outsiders just “didn’t get you.” Was I just blinkered?
I don’t know what has changed. Is it me or is it you? I certainly didn’t see it coming but suddenly you aren’t fun anymore. You irritate me. I’ve started to bite my tongue because I don’t feel I can say anything. You’re supposed to be fun but you’ve stopped being fun. Your sparkle has disappeared and the mood has changed. Your mood or my mood I don’t know? Your words just sound like a constant drone but I can’t say anything really, can I? So I don’t.
You have become a chore. What once was spontaneous chat is now guarded. Everything just feels such hard work. When I do speak there is nothing just silence. I’m not happy anymore when I am with you, I just feel lonely like before.
How did it change? Why has it changed? It isn’t the same as it once was. Is it just me or do you see it too? Whatever there was, it’s gone and I don’t think it’s going to come back again but I’m afraid to admit that out loud. I’m frightened to leave and make the break. I feel I have to stay because of our history. I should be loyal, I’ve invested 5 years of my life in you and if I go now what has it all been for? I’m torn.
So I’m sat here, staring at the computer screen with the mouse hovering over the deactivate account button and………
If you would like to get in touch about taking part in a forthcoming blog therapy post, please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Photo Credit: buzzmgr.com