3 More Sleeps

Actually that title should read, 3 disturbed sleep nights.
3 more sleeps until the 6 month check.
In some ways this check is worse than the 3 month check. At the 3 month check I was 400% more positive that I was doing better.

This time round, I’m not as sure. I think a lot is to do with it being the longest time I’ve gone without being seen by any doctor since I was diagnosed.
I can hear you thinking ‘But surely this is a good thing’, but in the mind of a cancer warrior, that’s not as comforting as you think.
I can only best describe it as it’s like you’re treading water.
Most days you can paddle for hours. You can go days where it’s a mere blip on your radar.
Some days you struggle to keep up. Pushing through a current which just wants to pull you in. A tiny thing triggers it. But your safety net is not there.

My anxiety is definitely getting worse. I’ve reached out and got myself a panic attack buddy. That poor girl might get bombarded this week.
I’ve started yoga (stop sniggering). I’m forcing myself to do something. I can’t let this current drag me in every 3 months. I can’t do this to my boys. I can’t let this cancer take anymore from me.

This song pretty much sums it for me. For now.
If there’s a rocket, tie me to it.

Yes, I do have an obsession with Snow Patrol. It’s like you don’t know me at all…


6 thoughts on “3 More Sleeps

  1. Ok twinnie… I’ve seen snow patrol live! πŸ˜‰ 2009 in Manchester – now… I am guessing that is NOT a surprise!

    Now – back to the matter in hand: You’ll be euphoric on Thursday evening after being told that Superfran is still beating fuckwit!!

    ps: yoga sounds amazing! I could do with a bit of that in my life!

  2. Bring it on!!! πŸ™‚ Random s**t my speciality!!

    I have no doubt you will be told all is well my lovely. You are SuperFran kicking cancers butt for 6 months!!

    Mwah xxx

  3. apregnantpause says:

    Of course you will be nervous but you have beaten the fuckwit and trust me you scared the crap out if it. There ain’t no way it’s coming back.
    We’ll all be there with you in spirit on Thursday wearing our purple. Wish I could be with you in person. xxxxx

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