Wonder Man

I have been in complete awe this year at the simple selflessness of some wonderful people in my life.

We’ve had Wonder Women running, walking and laughing there way through 10k and 5k races.

Lots of support and money has been donated and I thank you all from the very bottom of my heart.

I now ask you, one more time to raise a dig deep, even a pound or two for my very own Wonder Man.

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Jack is my nephew, and i’ve written about him before and even though he’s running off and growing up and getting engaged and being amazing at University, I know I can send him a picture of a cat pouting and he will totally laugh like he was 10 years old again.

Tomorrow night Jack is going to take part in the Shine Walk for Cancer Research and undertake a 13.5 mile midnight walk around the streets of London.

Now, anyone who knows Jack knows just how hard this walk will be, for Jack is a skinny little thing with legs the same length of his (very) short Mother (even though he is over 6ft tall) and Jack will never walk very far if he doesn’t have to. He learnt to drive in quick time just so it could stop him having to walk more than a mile.

Just knowing that he is doing this in my honour, is something very humbling for me. He’s wanted to do something to help (he’s helped far more than he will ever know) for a long time now and this is just such a fantastic way to support a cause, very close to my heart. In fact in Jack’s words, this walk is a thank you and rejoicing my victory against cancer by supporting the charity that helped me fight it.

Jack might have struggled with training, but his spirit has never waned. I know the bit he is looking forward to the most is wearing day-glo colours. He does has a slightly effeminate side. Ahem.

So please, donate a couple of your lovely pounds to my lovely Jack. I am so proud of him I could cry. In fact, tomorrow, I probably will.

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Donating has got all the more easier too, with text pay! Just text JBSW66 to 70070 and you can donate £2, £5 or £10. Example: JBSW66 £5

Or you can donate via his Just giving page – c’mon, give the boy a hand, he’s only got £30 so far!

https://www.justgiving.com/JackBaldan/

Thank you again for all your love and support and wearing purple and being wonderful.

A Sign

There’s lot of things happening in the world of Crimp. Changes yet again in our little world. Never people to ebb and flow, we are once again flying by the seat of our pants. More on that to come soon.

I’ve been struggling. Really struggling. Outwardly I look alright. Tired perhaps, working hard will do that to you. But inwardly, my heart is heavy. It’s being crushed by anxiety. It’s physically dragging me down. I caught a glimpse the other day and I saw that I was slouched and aimless. My awesome posture long gone.

Timehop is both a blessing and a curse. It’s reminding me of the little things that inevitably bring me to my 1st anniversary. Little nuisances of unbearable pain from what would have been my last ever period, to the slow wait to have my scan on the 2nd October. I’ve deleted and re-installed the app, my own form of torture I think.

I am dreading the 2nd of November. It can’t possibly be nearly a year since my life, our life changed completely.

Is it really only a year? I’ve aged far more than that.

The brink of tears has been ever more present of late; sometimes I let them come. Tumbling from my eyes like they are trying to escape my inner hell.
Sometimes I can blink away and move on and get on with whatever spreadsheet happens to be open.

I’ve been looking for peace, even for just a little while.
My Mum, an awesome present finder, once gave me a pouch with some little stones which, on each one, has wish, love and hope on them. Somehow, I lost the hope stone and at the time I laughed. Of course I lost hope, what the fuck was my life going to entail!

Today, I changed my hand bag and whilst clearing it of the 40,000 receipts and other toddler debris most mothers carry, and there tucked into a corner pocket, I found this…

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Of late, I’ve really found it difficult to comprehend anything to happen for a reason, and my faith really has taken a beating, but I’m trying, really trying to see this as a turning point.

Someone, somewhere wanted me to find my hope again.

A sign. Lets hope I can let it back in.