The Noise

It’s coming. I can’t ignore it. The day(s) will come whether I want them to or not.
We have to endure them to say that we got to the other side.

I’ve booked time off work either side to deal with this day(s). I don’t know how I will react. At the moment I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach. I just want to hide away. I’m concerned the reaction will be visceral.
I am trying to absorb myself in other lovely things. I met my kindred spirit, Jayne and I’m going to see A Pregnant Pause this week.

But, The Noise is loud.
The Noise creeps up on you.

The Noise is something that I can’t possibly describe to anyone. It’s the voice of reason being tackled with the voice of scared girl, fighting to tread water.

It’s a wave of panicky calm that doesn’t just go.

It’s crippling.

It’s a constant hum in you ear.

I am trying not to be completely self absorbed as obviously it’s not just my anniversary. We lost a wonderful Man that weekend too.
Lives changed completely and forever that weekend.

I want to celebrate this day and remember a wonderful man too. I want to celebrate the fact that I’m on the other side. I have come through so much, continuing to do so.

But The Noise is telling me otherwise. The Noise thinks you’re setting yourself up for a fall.

At the moment, The Noise is winning.


2 thoughts on “The Noise

  1. It’s going to be a hard day for you & your family no doubt about it……. BUT your a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for my lovely & with your family & friends at your side you beat fuckwit & together you will also survive the day(s) your dreading.

    Celebrate what you have achieved in the past year it’s epic!!! Lots of love, will be thinking of you all xxx

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