I don’t wanna talk about it…

…how you broke my heart.

So I joined a gym and those of you who follow me on Facebook or Twitter will know of my quest to get fitter and how I have been doing couch to 5k etc, but I love swimming. I am part fish being a Pisces so I can swim through the water with the greatest of ease.
I can get into a right little stride and wade on through. Last night I managed 64 lengths for the first time in about 10 years.

My arms cannot go above *here*.

Amazing, right? This time last year I couldn’t have done that. Aces.

Except, the reason wasn’t because I’m improving my strength and stamina, it was down to embarrassment.
No, my top didn’t float away and I didn’t belly flop into the pool (you’re not allowed to do that anyway, didn’t you read the signs??) and I most certainly didn’t do any heavy petting.

No, I decided to cry.
In my defence it Magic FM’s fault. Who the fuck plays Sad Magic FM in a gym? At least play some Hall and Oates or something a bit more upbeat.

So, it went a little like this…

This is Magic FM
Farking hell, time to go underwater
I can tell by your eyes that you’ve prob’bly been cryin’ forever,
Oh crap. I love this song. *starts swimming, pick an apple, put it in your pocket, pick an apple, put it in your pocket*
and the stars in the sky don’t mean nothin’ to you, they’re a mirror.
*tears start stinging eyes* Stupid Everything but the Girl song.
I don’t want to talk about it, how you broke my heart.
If I stay here just a little bit longer,
If I stay here, won’t you listen to my heart, whoa, heart?

I wish I had goggles, I look like a dickhead.
This continues for the entire song which may or may not have included sobbing whilst trying to sing the song and swim.
*Reaches end of lane to horrified look on fellow patrons face*
Stupid non waterproof mascara.

Maybe it was the chlorine. Yea definitely a reaction to the chlorine.

And before you all club together to have me committed, I’m ok. No seriously, I’m ok. Once August is here I’ll be better and until then we’ll just wait for the lottery win.

Just imagine how many lengths I’d do listening to Hall and Oates…



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