Notes from a dexa scan

1. Waiting rooms where Dexa scans (bone density) take place are filled with old people, where to be fair, hip replacement are more common than a cold. You will bring the average age down to about 70. 68 at a push.

2. Because you are ushered in quite quickly, you will hear the equivalent to 40 billion tuts as the ‘youngen’ is seen before Mildred, who has been waiting ’45 bloody minutes’

3. The curtain in the changing area never fully closes. A passerby will snatch a glance at your boobs as you speed change. You hope passerby is a woman.

4. You stop long enough to take a stealth selfie in your gown for obligatory gown superhero pose. You realise that you cannot do pose and take photo. Message kind of gets lost. End up with this instead….

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It’ll do.

5. The other issue is tying up aforementioned gown so you don’t expose a) the puppies (they’ve been let loose) and b) your M&S knickers. Mildred might get jealous of your pretty pants.

6. You fail pretty miserably at number 5. None more so than when you’re called in and your trying to hold you hospital bag, coat and dignity while pinching together your gown and tweet your picture all at the same time.

7. Radiographers will not help you with your paraphernalia to assist in limiting exposure of your bum to Mildred.

8. You still have the ability to blush. Well done.

9. The actual scan takes 4 minutes. You are still red when you walk back out.

10. Next time, don’t be all bloody minded and independent and take someone with you. Crying. Out. Loud.

Results next week…

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3 More Sleeps

Actually that title should read, 3 disturbed sleep nights.
3 more sleeps until the 6 month check.
In some ways this check is worse than the 3 month check. At the 3 month check I was 400% more positive that I was doing better.

This time round, I’m not as sure. I think a lot is to do with it being the longest time I’ve gone without being seen by any doctor since I was diagnosed.
I can hear you thinking ‘But surely this is a good thing’, but in the mind of a cancer warrior, that’s not as comforting as you think.
I can only best describe it as it’s like you’re treading water.
Most days you can paddle for hours. You can go days where it’s a mere blip on your radar.
Some days you struggle to keep up. Pushing through a current which just wants to pull you in. A tiny thing triggers it. But your safety net is not there.

My anxiety is definitely getting worse. I’ve reached out and got myself a panic attack buddy. That poor girl might get bombarded this week.
I’ve started yoga (stop sniggering). I’m forcing myself to do something. I can’t let this current drag me in every 3 months. I can’t do this to my boys. I can’t let this cancer take anymore from me.

This song pretty much sums it for me. For now.
If there’s a rocket, tie me to it.

Yes, I do have an obsession with Snow Patrol. It’s like you don’t know me at all…

Purple Power

Today I asked for some help.
I asked my army to step up and to give me good vibes, prayers and thoughts.

I then went one step further and asked you all to wear something purple. In my head, seeing all those pictures of people wearing purple just for me, spurred me on.

I sat in a tiny office today and Dr Powell’s Registrar, lets call him Dr Awesomesauce, told me (3 times no less) that the scan showed ‘no cancer activity’. Fuckwit wasn’t seen. It’s disappeared.

They couldn’t confirm that a white flag been left.

The nitty gritty of it all is, and I quote, ‘it’s responded excellently to treatment and no activity is shown on the scan, but we will closely monitor you every 3 months’.
I’ve not stopped crying. Every call I’ve made, every text I sent since finding out I’ve just balled my eyes out.

I think we’re still in shock. I feel like I’ve won the lottery. I keep expecting to wake up.

I walked out into that corridor and I screamed like mad. It just had to get out.

I can’t even begin to thank you all. I don’t know where to start. I looked at my phone today and all I saw was a sea of purple.
You will never know how much I feel loved and supported by every single one of you.
I love you all and thank you, thank you, thank you for your continued support.

Now you can have some home leave soldiers, I’ll expect you back here in 3 months for some more purple power.

I am always looking for more recruits…if you don’t sign up, I’m setting this little one on to you…

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