Toddler talks…What is love?

In what potentially could be a new part of my blog, me and James have lots of insightful conversations mainly surrounding a question either on of us has asked.
Such classics include:

‘But why is it raining? I want bubbles’

And the classic which I’m sure lots of Mummy’s have had to encounter…

‘You has two bottoms. Why? It’s furry!’

So with this in mind, after having a very challenging 20 minutes discussing how much I actually loved him and explaining that I have bigger arms so must love him more, James gave a great explanation to that lovely love question.

Out of the mouth of babes — in case you needed clarification, he says that love makes him feel better.

I appear to have something in my eye *sobs*

Toddler talk…I can’t wait to see what else he has to say.



Dear James,

Your 3rd New Years Eve is upon us and tonight we say good bye to 2013.

What a tough year its been my gorgeous little boy. But we’ve had some brilliant times as well.

No, you're cheeky!

No, you’re cheeky!

This year you have come on in leaps and bounds. You continue to amaze us with your speech (even making new words and phrases which just melt me on the spot). You really show your caring side, just today you tucked me up on the sofa with the blanket and clutched my face and gave me a proper puckered up kiss (not like the face slobbering ones you usually do) and told me to ‘Sweep well Mummeh’. I could have cried when you said that, you just know how to perk me up.

You have discovered Superheroes this year with your favourites being Iron Man and Captain America. You declare that you are Iron Man, Daddy is ‘Capin Merica and Mummy is Hulk’. I can only assume that is because you don’t like to see me angry rather than the greenish hue you see me in. Ahem.
But you also think Katie Perry is Mummy too, so I can’t really complain.

Rockets and Space are also your favourite things.

Rockets and Space are also your favourite things.

James you had your first proper haircut in 2013, which made Mummy weep but it just made you more handsome (if that was possible) and look so grown up it was as if you aged 3 years right in front of my eyes.
It still has a mind of it’s own and I just know that in a few short years, you’ll want to shave it all off to control it, so forgive me when you look back at photos of yourself with unruly hair, I just wanted to keep you small for as long as possible.

DANCING! Oh how you love to dance. You walk around with tippy toes; I am so tempted to sign you up for dance classes! You just LOVE music. Saban (Kasabian) is one of your favourite band and Pharell Williams ‘Happy’ takes you to your happy place. Its a joy to watch you dance. And yes, you still dance with me. ‘Dance me Mummeh?’

You are learning your alphabet at the moment but you love to count too, although you appear to be superstitious already and refuse to say 13. Just as well we are going into 2014. And now you are starting to use your imagination when you play with your little characters and especially Dave Minion.

I think you could be a leftie...

I think you could be a leftie…

We’ve had days out and visited lots of people. You met loads of new people too and charmed them all with your fantastic smile.
You’ve also been a complete and utter….tinker. You really know how to push Mummy and Daddy’s buttons and boy, do you do that on a regular basis.

James you are stubborn as you are lovely (a trait from both your parents. Sorry about that) and you have a determined nature. You definitely get frustrated when you can’t do something right. Take your time my darling, it’ll all come together.

We’ve got lots to look forward to next year, none less than our first family holiday together and perhaps we might actually put some roots down.
You’ll be starting nursery too, just another step into losing you to the grown up path you must follow. I’m both daunted and excited for you.

Who knows what this year will bring, but boy am I glad we all get to do it together.

Protective over baby Molly. How I wish I could make you a big brother.

Protective over baby Molly. How I wish I could make you a big brother.

James, Mummy turns 30 in just over 50 days time. Thats like WELL old. I am very excited about this. When you are older, you will understand why. I want to tell you everything this year gave us. The good and the bad, for it makes up everything we are today.

You saved me James, you and your Father saved me this year. You think I’ve been raising you, when really you’ve been teaching me all along.

Lets teach each other lots more things next year…lets try learning how to lie in, that would be awesome.

I love you so much, my wonderful little boy.



Keep growing strong,
Mama x

And a Happy New Year…

So here we are on the cusp of a New Year.

Safe to say that I am not sad to see 2012 go. It has been a shit year for many, many reasons. I am not going to list them, you know it all anyway.

I always get nostalgic when New Year comes round, and try to find the positive in tough times. I’ve struggled to see the light this time, but I made myself think of 5 things that were wonderful about this year.

1. Celebrating my Son’s 1st Birthday with his many friends
2. Welcoming 3 new babies to the family
3. Holding the Olympic torch
4. Having my love grow for the people around me
5. Getting perspective on life

That last one is pretty deep huh? Pretty standard I think once you’ve been diagnosed with Cancer. I’ve learnt not to sweat the small stuff; Let go of some deep seated issues which have been holding me back. Silly things like the clothes I wear, the way I am about what I love to do, like writing.

I am not happy I have Cancer, but I am happy that it’s made me realise that I am person who matters and being comfortable with myself, is just another step in my recovery.

In a way, I am sad to see this year go. I lost two wonderful people this year. Both at opposite ends of the age spectrum. A friends little girl who was snatched from life and a Father In Law who was released from his struggle. I weep that this year ends with them both in it forever, but I hope that wherever they are in the world, they are at peace.

I wish you all an amazing New Year, make of it what you will and most of all….be happy.

I love you all.

Right, now indulge me, give me your 5 wonderful things about 2012.

The tale of a toddler and a 24-hour urine sample

I am going to preface this by saying this post is about wee. If you don’t like wee then don’t read, ok pissy pants?

Mornings always start early in this house and today was no different.

Today I had to carry out a 24 hour urine sample (basically peeing into a 5 litre container) as part of my kidney test before starting chemo on the 6th.

It has to start with your first wee of the day and continues for 24 hours, pretty much self explanatory.

So I get my peeing jug I used when I was pregnant and sterilised it because this was the easiest way to get it in the frigging jug.
If you had or have a toddler, you will already be aware that going to the toilet on your own is quite the sacred act and its a rare occurrence to be able to enjoy a poo on your own, let alone trying to carry out a fiddly specimen test.

At 6.40am I set about doing my first wee. I’ll try not to give you a visual because it already bad enough that you know my fanny is up the creek without you visualising me squatting over a jug.

Oops. Sorry.

Where was I…oh yes, so I’m doing my…business and James plods along towards the loo and opens the door.

Yes James,
Wee wee?
Yes, Mummy is having a wee
No, no poo.
Juss wee wee?
Yes, just wee wee

He then proceeds to sit down in our very small, awkward toilet and give a commentary of me pouring in my urine into the frightening sized container.

Mum-Mum issa wee wee. Heee hee wee weeeeeeee.
Weeely. Poooo.

I really feel I need to clarify that I didn’t do a poo.

I put down the oil drum and usher James out and then we proceed to wash our hands for 5 minutes and he continues playing in the bathroom (which is entirely safe before anyone calls SS) and I go to do the washing up.

All is quiet and I think nothing of it until I hear…

Oh nooo

*Lots of clattering*

Bye Byeee weee-weee

I run to the bathroom just in time to see the last of my piss go down the drain. Bye bye wee wee indeed.

Cue a frantic call at 7am to the research nurse who, once she stopped laughing said that it wasn’t entirely uncommon event and that it shouldn’t hinder the test too much.

Clever bugger that toddler…I would have been upset if I wasn’t so impressed at his cap opening skills.

I’ve got trouble on my hands with that one.


Dear James,

In a week’s time, you be 18 months old. That is like, WELL old in baby terms. In fact you’re actually a toddler now and boy are you fitting into those tantrums well.

You have definitely inherited the firey Italian gene from me and the stubbornness of your Dad Dad.

You are an amazing little boy. You DO NOT STOP TALKING. But it’s music to my ears.
Most of what you are saying makes sense. You are very determined in what you want.
You are polite with your ‘peas’ and ‘fankoo’. You know your ‘weely’, and your ‘noose’ and ‘ey’ and ‘EARS’, which always makes me laugh because you shout that word.

You will give us a running commentary in your buggy of the form of transport we encounter. ‘A car, a van, a red car, ooo a BUS!’
And it never fails to make me giggle when your say ‘vancar’ very quickly.
You’ll understand when you’re older.

You know a ‘Bik’ is what Uncle Tattoo drives and a ‘Biceecle’ is the other one.

You say lots of words and you understand them all. You know that I am Mum Mum and that Daddy ‘Go work bus’ and is sometimes Mr. Tumble, or ‘Misser Mumel’ as you call him. He isn’t your Daddy, but I can see the resemblance.

You still love ‘Din Dins’ and your ‘Dooce (juice)’ and Minnie dog is still your best buddy in the whole wide world.

James, the affection you show people is so wonderful, please never forget the power of a kiss or a hug. They have been Mummy’s saviour of late.

You kiss so passionately with both hands on face and a force so strong you shake your head.
You shake hands, fist bump and high five. You dance like a little robot which can body pop. It’s not listed in the conventional milestones but I am very proud you can do that. Its awesome.

The only major change is that you no longer have breast milk. Lots of decisions impacted this and I delayed a lot of things, because I wanted to go at your pace. If I didn’t think you were ready to move on, I’d still be feeding you now. But, you independent little boy, you knew it was time to move on.


All in all you are a brilliant little boy, who, without even realising it, is looking more after his Mummy right now, than vice versa.

One day I’ll explain that better.

In the meantime, continue to be a child for as long as you can. Look at the world through those big brown eyes and embrace your life.

I love you with everything in me.

Keep growing strong,


A few minutes old

Dear James,

Every time I’ve gone to write this letter, I’ve had to stop. Every time I go to acknowledge that you are turning one, I stop. I simply cannot believe you go from being classed as a baby one day to a toddler the next. But we both know that you will always be my baby.

James, today you turned 1. A small number but significant milestone.
You’ve been with us one whole year, but it feels like you’ve always been with us.
At 2.16am on the 27th April you made me and your father complete, and we didn’t realise we had anything missing until we had you.

You amaze me every single day. Every day I can say that you do something new. You are always challenging yourself.

Never stop doing that.

You are walking now, proper toddling. Pretty much running in fact.
You love your food, hence the chunky thighs and arms. And mummy milk is the only milk that will do.

I am very chuffed about this.

You exude a confidence that I wish I had an ounce of as an adult let alone a one year old. It must be your Taurean side. You are also a bit of a bull in a China shop too…definitely a Taurus.

James, you are a loving little boy. You welcome people with your infectious smile; you wave bah-bye; you kiss all your teddies good night, Oscar the Giraffe is a favourite of yours.

Your best friend is Minnie the dog, or ‘diggy’ as you call her. You are such a boy-boy, yet you give her the gentilist of strokes.

You are a sociable little thing, you have several friends already. Johnny is 2 months younger than you and I like to think you are looking after him in your burly way. I know you will make a wonderful big brother one day.

James and Johnny

James and Minnie (Diggy)

You love music. It captures your attention even more than Cbeebies. You even dance to it now, with your little bum wiggling away. Rizzle Kicks, Olly Murs and Jessie J are on your baby iPod.
You don’t have a security blanket or taggie, you are far too independent for that; yet you only like Mama or Daddy to get you to sleep. And that is alright with us.

You’ve tested my sleep deprivation to some lengths; So much so, I think a career in the secret service beckons.
You made me realise that there really isn’t any love like a love between a Mother and child.
Thank you for opening my eyes to that.

For all the hard, tiring, sad and trying times this year has brought us you have been the one amazing thing that was constant.

To wonderful, beautiful little boy.
You make me so proud to be your mother.
Thank you for choosing me.

I hope you have a wonderful 1st birthday.

Keep growing strong,
I love you with all my heart,

Happy Birthday x